Susie Says "Fear Not"
A Reflection on Christmas Gift Giving
by Sue Edison-Swift
It is a cold night in Advent . . . . I fall asleep on the couch watching yet another version of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol on TV, and wake up to find my mother sitting in the chair next to me.
“Cool!” I say out loud. I love it when my mom, who died in 1992, makes an appearance in my dreams. “Actually, it’s too warm in here,” notes Mom. “I see you’re still not keeping the thermostat turned down.” We exchange knowing looks.
“I’ll get to the point,” she goes on. “I’m here to reassure you about Christmas gifts. You’re doing just fine.” “Well, now I know I’m dreaming,” I say, sitting up, “because you hated Christmas gift giving, and I never seem to get it right.”
“I’ve learned a lot in heaven, and two of my new friends are Christmas gift experts. I asked them to visit you. Pat is the Angel of Christmas Presents Past and Fran is the Angel of Christmas Presents Future.”
“What, no Angel of Christmas Presents Present?” I ask, pleased with myself. We exchange knowing looks. I feel Mom kiss me on the forehead and then she is gone.
Christmas Presents Past
Pat sits next to me on the couch and opens a big photo album. She points to a picture of a glass candle bowl. “Oh, that’s my favorite Christmas gift of all time!” I exclaim. “I was 10 years old. The doll I got from Mom and Dad on Christmas Eve struck me as childish, although I kept that to myself. We drove to Grandma’s for Christmas Day. I had low expectations for the gift I would receive there.
“Imagine my surprise, then, to open a box filled with tissue paper and lift out a blue glass bowl. Even though I was uncertain of its purpose, it was clearly an objet d’art. ‘It’s a candle bowl,’ interpreted my aunt. ‘You put flowers in the middle and candles around the outside or you can put a big candle in the middle and surround it with flowers.’
“‘Wonder of wonders,’ I remember thinking; Grandma must have seen the emerging almost-grownup inside me. Look, Pat, I keep the candle bowl on the bookshelf.”
I have more stories of Christmas Day at Grandma’s, but Pat wants to move on. She points to a picture that captures the chaos of Christmas morning at the Swifts’, circa 1977.
“I didn’t do so well with my first round of Christmas presents for Paul’s family,” I tell Pat of my experience with my in-laws. “I made, wrapped, and packed 80 popcorn balls as sort of an all-family present. It turns out that the one person who liked popcorn balls had braces on her teeth. I was determined to do better next year for the 21 Swifties on the list. I had two rules: (1) each gift must cost less than $5, and (2) each gift must look like it cost more than $5.
“Paul wasn’t so thrilled with the gifts I brought home. ‘Do you think Jani will ever use this?’ he asked. ‘Do you think Mame will like it?’
“I curtly reminded him that like and use were not operational criteria. I dared Paul to do better, challenging him to secure his sister Marcy’s gift.
“Paul came back from the mall with an embroidered gauze top. It was perfect. It was $20! I told Paul to return the top and I took back gift-giving control.”
I turn and look sheepishly at Pat. “I forgot that I ever had a spending limit for gifts. Once I started using credit cards I stopped sticking to a budget. Now, despite my best intentions, it seems that I always spend more than I should on gifts.”
Pat finds a picture of my daughter, Annie, holding a giant candy cane. She’s about three years old in the picture. This is one of my favorite gift stories, “I was grocery shopping with Annie,” I begin, “and Mrs. Nelson stopped to chat for a bit. She asked Annie, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’
“‘A candy cane,’ Annie sweetly replied.
“Mrs. Nelson tried again. ‘What else would you like?’
“Annie thought for a bit and answered, ‘A present.’
“‘What kind of present?’ Mrs. Nelson asked slowly, thinking that enunciation would help Annie understand the question.
“‘A wrapped present,’ replied Annie slowly, thinking that enunciation would help Mrs. Nelson understand the answer.
“A week later, Mrs. Nelson showed up at our door with a wrapped candy cane. The candy cane was actually too big to eat, so Annie happily re-wrapped it in a doll blanket and took it to live among her pink plastic ponies.”
Pat points to a picture of Paul, teenage Annie, and me all dressed up and ready to leave for the Christmas Eve candlelight service. “Oh, this is fun. I don’t remember why, but we ended up shopping for Christmas outfits on December 24. Even with the last-minute timing we were relaxed and happy. The stores in the mall were almost empty. The salesclerks were visibly cheered by our delight at finding outfits to wear out of the store.” I pause to savor the memory of that evening before switching stories.
“Paul usually shops for Christmas presents on December 22 or 23; he likes his presents fresh.” Pat doesn’t let on if she thinks this family joke is funny.
“Anyway, every now and then Paul comes home from his Christmas shopping, disappears to wrap his presents, and once his wrapping is finished, he begins advocating for immediate present opening. ‘Let’s get secular Christmas over with!’ he asserts. Interestingly, it is always Paul who proposes early opening and I am always the decider. Some years I allow early opening, and some years I deem it better to wait. Either way, we love Paul for his open now inclination.”
I flip photo album pages to find current Swift and Edison family pictures and begin talking to myself as much as to Pat. “After 30-some years of Christmas gift-giving, I guess I have figured out a few things. Since I’m an impulse buyer, I give up malls and mega-stores for Advent. I’ve stopped giving presents to everybody, whether that means all the nieces and nephews, or all my friends, or everyone on my work team. I’ve stopped worrying about parity or even consistency. Some years there are folks in our lives who just need a little Christmas more than others. I’ve even stopped freaking out if someone gives us a Christmas gift and we don’t have a present for them.
“In 1977, I only required a gift to seem more expensive than it was; these days I expect a lot more. I expect the good gifts I give to do good, too. Gift donations are obvious good gifts, but a gift can be value-full because it’s Fair Trade, or handmade, or eco-friendly, or even because it’s locally sold.
“I’m expecting less of my Christmas giving, too. I’ve decided that it’s almost impossible to give the equivalent of my candle bowl at Christmastime. So, these days, I tend to give a little something for Christmas, like a Lutheran World Relief Handcraft Project ornament, and look for opportunities to give just the right thing at just the right time, even if it isn’t for Christmas.”
Pat points to a picture of a little artificial Christmas tree. I’m not proud of this story. “One year soon after my father died, Mom casually mentioned that she didn’t intend to put up a Christmas tree. Paul and I were horrified at the thought. Our solution was to bring her a little artificial tree as an early Christmas gift. We set it up and decorated it before she could say ‘no, thank you.’
“Only now do I understand Mom’s yearning to take a break from a Christmas tradition. At this point in my life, post-empty-nest and pre-grandchildren, I occasionally enjoy keeping our big artificial tree packed away, along with its accompanying boxes of lights and ornaments. I realize that every now and then I need a little Christmas, and then our two-foot tree with one string of twinkly lights is just right.
“Last year, though, we had a special guest, Xiao, a young woman who is new to the country and new to Christmas. We had great fun doing up the tree and trimmings in a big way. As we set out our collection of crèches, we used the figures to tell Xiao the Christmas story. Jesus, God-with-us, now that’s a gift worth sharing.”
I feel Pat offer a blessing on my head, and then she is gone.
Christmas Presents Future
I discover Fran, the Angel of Christmas Presents Future, sitting on the couch holding a TV remote control. We haven’t been formally introduced, but who else could it be?
Fran begins surfing through the basic cable stations and stops at a call-in program. From the backdrop behind the host’s desk, I deduce the program’s title: Susie Says, Fear Not! I do a double-take; the host looks like me, if I were tall and thin.
The caller sounds like me, too, if I was tall and thin.
“Am I tall and thin in the future?” I ask Fran. We exchange knowing looks.
Susie and the callers share ideas about how they’re working to make December 2008 21 Christmas gift-giving more meaningful and less stressful. They offer ideas and suggestions, confessions and challenges. Susie affirms the callers for reflecting on their Christmas gifts past, for considering how their gifts reflect their values, and even for being honest about their needs as givers and receivers of Christmas presents. “What about gift-giving brings you joy?” Susie asks one caller. She follows up by asking, “What about your Christmas gift-giving practice keeps you from being joyful?” Susie ends the program by saying, “Fear not! Jesus, God-with-us, is a gift worth sharing.”
As she leaves, I feel Fran give my hand a reassuring squeeze.
I turn my attention back to the TV and realize that yet another version of A Christmas Carol is about to begin. I turn off the set. “God bless us, every one,” I pray, and head upstairs to bed.
Sue Edison-Swift serves as communication director for the ELCA World Hunger and Disaster Appeal.
To receive a package of helpful resources for value-full gift giving, including the ELCA good Gifts Catalog, the LWR Handcraft Project catalog, and the latest edition of Whose Birthday Is It Anyway?, send your mailing address to hunger@elca.org.