Freedom Fund

Editor’s Note
Oprah Winfrey recalls confiding in her mentor, poet Maya Angelou, when she—one of the world’s most successful and admired women—was hitting rock bottom emotionally. That night Angelou interrupted her in the middle of her sobs and told her when things are really tough we must learn to stop to say, “Thank you, Lord, for all you have given me.”

On another night, during the darkest part of her journey, another woman learned the healing gift of saying thank you to those who, by the grace of God, surrounded her with light and love and affirmation.

Her story is recalled here in a letter that she sent to some of the women involved in that night. She received the following letters in response.

The story in this correspondence is true—I was there and saw first-hand the “faithful loving extravagant loyalty”—the hesed—of this group of women when one of their friends was in need. To preserve the anonymity of the women, their names have been changed. When you read the Bible study question on page 31, you might want to think of this example of how we support one another in ways big and small. –Kate Elliott, editor

Dear sister friends,
For two years straight I met weekly with my therapist to learn to cope with my bad marriage. I tried three different marriage counselors. No matter how hard I tried, the relationship did not get better and the tension was unbearable.

But I was terrified at the thought of getting a divorce. This wasn’t how I thought my life would ever unfold. And it wasn’t what I wanted for my children, either. With no family in town, I leaned on you, my women friends, for support. And you were there. You brought hot meals, shoulders to lean on, and prayers for strength. But the divorce was draining all my reserves–both emotionally and financially.

I was terrified.

I said to my therapist, “Divorce feels like I’m standing on the edge of a black hole, knowing that I must jump but not knowing what will happen next.” She said, “ That may be true, but remember that you are not standing there alone. You have me, your attorney, your family, and some amazingly generous friends.”

She was referring to you, dear friends, as part of a group of loyal women from work and church who had launched the “Freedom Fund ” to help ease the pressure of my mounting legal fees.

What did you think when you received that carefully worded invitation to come to a dinner party “and bring your checkbook”?

And you came.

The evening was unforgettable. After a meal of comfort food, about 20 of us lit candles and Mary led a brief worship service titled, “Surrounding Ruth with Song, Prayer, and Friendship.” We recited Psalm 23. We sang “Healer of Our Every Ill.” To my surprise, you shared stories of wilderness times in your own lives that I had never heard. You were so brave. What a gift to realize I truly wasn’t alone.

And we prayed.

Then you privately wrote your checks payable directly to my attorney. The gifts totaled $1,800. I was humbled speechless by your generosity. My attorney had never seen anything like this outpouring and marveled at the “Freedom Fund” concept. She was so impressed that after the court proceedings were completed, she invited a dozen of you out to dinner.

This was one of the most important evenings of my life. Thank you for being there for me, surrounding me like a cloud of witnesses. Thank you for teaching me how to seek and accept help graciously. Thank you for taking this heroic risk so that my children might have a better future. Thank you for your loving loyalty that saved my life. It is my prayer that I may be part of such a gathering for someone else in need. With your example burning in my heart, I am emboldened to take such a risk in love for one of you–or your sisters–during your time of need.

I love you, Ruth

Dearest Ruth,
In many ways our gathering was just another circle of women doing something useful to support one another. Still, in many ways that evening felt special, holy.

As is often the case when women gather, we came with offerings of food and drink to share. That evening was different, though, because instead of bringing presents lovingly wrapped, we brought you gifts of money—checks and cash—lovingly tucked into notes of encouragement.

As is sometimes the case when women gather around someone special—a bride or mother-to-be—you were the only person everyone knew. That evening was different, though, because we all came and left feeling like sisters.

Where two or three women are gathered there are bound to be stories. That evening, the stories were exceptional. Lydia told us how, some 20 years earlier, an anonymous gift of $100 meant the difference between despair and hope. The stories and storytellers were real, strong, vulnerable, hopeful, and faithful.

Where two or three people are gathered in Christ’s name, Jesus is there. As I joined the women crowded into the living room for the litany we shared, I could feel God’s presence. We prayed, we praised, we confessed, we were blessed. We did not bash men in general or your husband in particular. We did not launch a pity party, we did not keep score. As I think of all the ways the evening could have been less than it was, it’s clear that the Holy Spirit was among us.

You told me that our gifts added up to $1,800. To be truthful, I thought it was more. At the time it was enough to encourage you to do what needed to be done, and that was enough.

We were grateful and thankful to be there that evening . . . for you and for each other. Then and now, we are sisters of the heart. In loving loyalty, Naomi

Dear Ruth,
I remember the night we gathered because it reminded me of the importance of community as we experience both the joys and the pain of life. What stands out from that evening is your vulnerability and how that opened the way for community to form around you.

It stood out in such contrast to what I had felt at the time of my own divorce, and part of that was my own hang-up as a pastor’s wife. I just didn’t think I could be open and share with others what I was going through and experiencing. Consequently, I didn’t have that wonderful supportive community around me. I walked a lot of the journey alone. Some friends left me because I divorced a pastor and some because they felt they had to choose between us and didn’t want to. One of my best friends left me, and a few months later she divorced her husband, so I knew (later) that it hadn’t been at all about me but more about her own life.

So, of course, the sisterhood and the community that formed around you really stand out for me. I hope that meant a difference to you, too. I always sensed that it did.

A divorce is such a painful roller-coaster, and it shouldn’t be suffered alone. I sensed that we were surrounding you with whatever strength and whatever gifts we were able to offer you.

It reminds me of a Tanzanian term, “bega kwa bega,” which means “shoulder to shoulder.” Tanzanians feel that when a load is too heavy for one person, they stand shoulder to shoulder to carry it. They mean a physical load, but we can speak of that heavy load in many ways. Your Freedom Fund experience showed the truth of that “bega kwa bega” concept.

I hope that time will remind you of how far you’ve come!

Lots of joy and blessings to you, Sarah

Dear Ruth,
“Remember the Freedom Fund?” you asked.

On the one hand, yes, of course. I knew exactly what you were talking about. On the other hand, can I remember many details? Not really.

I’m not saying that the evening wasn’t important or meaningful to me—it definitely was. I left knowing that I had been part of something very special and intimate. But in a very real sense it did not then, and does not now, stand out as something extraordinary. It was just something you do when you love and care about someone. Isn’t that what friendship is?

So in all honesty I don’t remember the litany or the food or how much I wrote a check for or even who all was there.

The one strong emotion I remember was empathy for the fear you must have felt for your children. I had gone through a very tough time financially when I was divorced, but I didn’t have anyone else depending on me. I couldn’t imagine how scary it would be to have the welfare of two children to be concerned about as well.

There’s a church nearby that has a little saying posted on its outside sign:

“Blessed is the person who gives without remembering and who receives without forgetting.”

So I guess you and I have both been blessed by the Freedom Fund!

Love you, Mary

Dear Ruth,
I do remember that evening. I remember coming into the warmth of Naomi’s home. The evening had a wonderful mix of leisure and purpose, tears and hope.

It must have been like that for the disciples—men and women—in the early church. They must have milled around the food and drink, exchanged pleasantries and gathered to share stories, say prayers and eat the meal. So that’s what we did.

And then we had that offering that you accepted so graciously, but what must have been so humbling. We offered words in writing and aloud, accompanied by our checks. Oh, that our money and words would work together like that more often!

And then we left, knowing full well that it could be any of us who might need that same sort of support someday.

It was just two years ago that I, too, broke into tears explaining my family’s financial stress of going from two incomes to one. Sarah came to me with a $100 check–bringing me to tears again and making me vow to do the same for someone else who may need it and when my finances can handle it.

I remember thinking, too, that this should happen more often. We readily surround our sisters at joyful events and at times of death. But we also need rituals for times such as these. This was a template, a night to remember, and new ground for what can and should be.

What I remember even better is the celebration dinner your attorney hosted following court proceedings. I felt blessed to be part of your Freedom Fund—and the celebrating we did when you reached the other shore.

Love to you and your kids as you continue the journey. Thanks for asking me along! Elizabeth

Postscript from Ruth:
It’s been almost 10 years since I shared this evening of loving loyalty with these sisters of faith. All of these women taught me a lot about love and courage that night, and they gave me the gift of gratitude. Here’s what else they taught me:

How to humbly ask for help and how to graciously receive it.
That desperation sometimes leads to creative innovation.
That I cannot control the difficulties of my life all by myself.
How necessary it is to throw myself into the arms of God and trust that I will see a glimmer of hope for the future.
That I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that God’s steadfast love and mercy are sufficient for whatever comes. Amen, sisters.

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