God's Clues

April 2009

by Ginger Anderson-Larson

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Do you remember the board game “Clue”? You had to whittle away at the evidence until you discovered who committed the crime, in what room, and with which weapon.

Sometimes God’s purpose for our lives seems like such a mystery.

The verse from Jeremiah offers wonderful promise. We are not left to puzzle out our purpose alone; God has a plan for us. But is God’s plan really like the board game? Can we solve the mystery of God’s plan for our lives by discarding and keeping clues? Is there one specific answer to the path we should take?

It depends. Maybe yes. Maybe no. When we are faced with a choice, perhaps God does not mind which path we select. Given that God created us in God’s image, gave us dominion over the creatures of the earth, and created companions for us in this earthly life, we can conclude that this is God’s plan for us and the details are not essential. Perhaps God has multiple “plans” for us . . . multiple ways we can live faithfully in relationship with God and with neighbors. God entrusts this kind of plan to our own discernment and decision. God is never finished with us, so to discover your own future promises from God, I invite you to listen in on some stories I heard as a spiritual director at an ELCA seminary. Look beyond the details and find the dynamics that might help you discern what God wants of you. The essence of the stories is true, though names and some information have been changed to protect confidentiality.

Do not be afraid

Spiritual direction is an ancient practice that has returned to use in past decades. It is an intentional conversation either between two individuals or among a group, led by a person who is trained to listen for the movements of the Holy Spirit, and thereby God’s activity, in the life of the ones sharing their stories. Sometimes the conversations include big decisions, sometimes problems, sometimes joys. Always the conversations include the question, “Where do you see, feel, or experience God in the midst of your life and this story?”

Kelly, one woman I had such conversations with, was middle-aged. She had worked on a congregational staff for years, but lately had become restless. She felt she was just going through the motions. People around her encouraged her to go to seminary, and so she did. She started taking classes and was thrilled with them. But she was still restless. As we explored the restlessness and uneasiness in her life, we gradually discovered she felt she was called to be a pastor, but could not see or imagine it. Truth told, she was afraid of the thought, and so ignored it. Over several conversations, she began to understand how she was making decisions based on fear.

The awareness did not remove the fears, but her honesty opened new ways to pray. We read, imagined, and prayed the biblical stories in which God sent angels with a message: “Be not afraid, God is with you.” As Kelly, who is now an ordained pastor, realized that she could trust this promise, she found the courage to open herself to possibilities beyond her fears.

Healing and freedom

Terri was not so sure about this spiritual direction stuff. She could make a joke of anything and kept her distance from questions I asked that got near her heart. I wondered why she made appointments at all, but she kept coming back. As trust grew between us, she shared her story. She had faith in God, but she had little trust in people.

As Terri’s story emerged, she shared a painful story of childhood abuse, including the threat to stay quiet about it. From her more recent history, she recounted another awful event—seduction and rape by a trusted leader. This abuse also included the threat to tell no one. She was so bound in fear and shame that it was clear why she had trouble relating her experiences. In our conversations, we continued to explore, “Where is God in this?”

One day we read the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. As she imagined herself bound up like Lazarus, in a shroud of shame, fear, and anger, she had to make a decision. Is this how she wanted to live the rest of her life? Just what were God’s plans for her?

Eventually she found a therapist and opened up the painful stories of her past. Over time she did the hard work of confronting the pain, shame, fear, and anger. She broke her silence and spoke to the authorities so that the leader would be removed from his position. Terri learned that God’s plan for her life included healing and freedom from the pain of the past. She now serves as an ELCA pastor, free to live a healthy and full life in the present.

Peace at the center

Averi delighted in her work. The daily tasks, conversations, and meetings contributed to her institution’s mission of caring for people in crisis. She knew, understood, and trusted that God was always at work in her life. Averi also enjoyed our sessions in spiritual direction. She has come to her appointments for years, eager for the questions I ask her as I listen to her stories.

For Averi, who had found the work she loved, discerning God’s plan for her life meant trusting the Holy Spirit to lead and guide her daily. Through our work together, she began to understand that she must recognize God’s clues to be open to, listen to, and willing to trust the Holy Spirit.

Two important clues from God for Averi were lack of peace—unsettled feelings deep in her gut—and regret. When she felt tied up in knots, she knew she was off track. In her youth, Sunday after Sunday her pastor had concluded the sermon with, “Now may the peace of God that passes human understanding, keep your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus our Lord.” She liked the sound of those words. Better yet, she came to understand that peace at the center was a clue in discerning God’s plan for her. Peace at the center of her being allowed her to live with ambiguity and to be okay when she did not know the next steps.

Over time, Averi realized that feelings of regret also proved a valuable clue for discerning God’s will. She often asked herself, “Would I regret this if I don’t do it?” She was disappointed in herself when she knew she should speak or act, but didn’t. The regret at such times washed over her and caused uneasiness in her gut.

Then Averi shared a story about her work. Amid a difficult financial time, with a cost-cutting restructuring in the works, she realized that those who would be most hurt by the changes were among the lowest paid. As she told this story, she became unsettled and aggravated. It was as if energy was lifting her out of her chair. When I asked, “What is god up to in your life right now?” she seemed to be stunned by the question. She described how the situation was unfair, but she didn’t know what she could do about it because she was not in a position of power.

Just such a time as this

I have learned that part of discernment is to pay attention to the Bible stories that come to mind while listening to others speak. As I heard Averi’s distress, I recalled the story of Queen Esther. Together, we read the verses where Esther, with her cousin Mordecai’s help, saw the injustice of the king’s decree against the Jewish people. Esther’s people needed help, and she was married to the only man who could change the situation, the king himself.

For Averi, Mordecai’s words connected deeply, “For if you keep silence at such a time as this . . . relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for such just such a time as this” (Esther 4:13b–14).

Averi felt no peace when she thought about the business decisions being made at her workplace. People already struggling to get by on their wages would be hit hardest. Thinking of Esther’s story, Averi knew that she would regret it if she did not act. It would be frightening to speak up. It might even jeopardize her own position.

Averi left our session that day knowing she needed to pray, listen, and be open to what the Holy Spirit would guide her to do or say, and she would not let fear dictate her decision. She was confident that the Spirit would help her recognize the next clues.

What’s next?

I write this article not knowing Averi’s next steps. Discerning God’s plan in our lives is about seeking to see more clearly, not knowing the end results. We long to know the end of the story—know the details—so we can plan and control our day-to-day life. But God’s ways are different. God’s timing, grace, mercy, and creativity are beyond our comprehension and planning. God’s love frees us to care about others as Jesus cares, to be generous as God is generous, and to live creatively as the Holy Spirit creates life and community among us.

How can we know God’s plan for us with certainty? If we truly seek God’s plan—and not our best-intentioned version of what we think it is—we will recognize God’s clues. We should look to peace or the absence of it. Both are guides. Then we will have courage to act for the well-being of others when we know we should.

All we can truly know for certain is that God loves us. In all the rest, we must discern. In open conversation with others and in quiet listening to God, the Holy Spirit will let us know God’s plan for us. And we must always remember God’s promise, “I am with you.”

The Rev. Ginger Anderson-Larson has served the church most recently as director of spiritual formation at Wartburg Theological Seminary in Dubuque, Iowa. She and her husband, the Rev. Keith Larson, reside in Lost Nation, Iowa, where he is pastor of Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Lost Nation and St. Mark’s in Oxford Junction.