Will They Be Back?

June 2009

 

Why do young people seem to drift away from church as they grow up? We should listen to their stories.

By Rod G. Boriack

It’s tempting to think that if we could just get them back through the front door and sitting in a pew again, all will be well. We hope they’ll fall back in love with the church that we love. but it’s not that simple. getting young people to stay in church is a challenge for us all.

Have you heard the joke about the pastors and the bats? Three pastors from different denominations used to get together to play golf every few weeks, and they’d tell each other their troubles along the fairways. They all were having prob­lems with bats in their churches’ raf­ters. The Methodist preacher called an exterminator, but the bats came back within days. The Presbyterian minister tried trapping and releasing, but the number of bats doubled.

After sinking her putt, the Lutheran pastor smiled and said, “Our bats are gone and they haven’t come back. We just baptized and confirmed them, and we haven’t seen them since!”

The best humor touches real life in ways that make us want either to squirm a little or shout “Amen!” This old joke gets lots of both as we lament how our young people are disappearing from our pews. The reality of where they go is far more complicated, and worrisome, than the bat joke.

Where Did They Go?

The Barna Group and other Christian research organizations find that about 60 percent of teenagers are engaged in the life of the church to some degree, but among young adults, that figure drops to 20 percent.

Church leaders have grown in understanding how to engage highschool-age young people in meaningful ministry and congregational life after confirmation. Nowadays the practice of congregational youth ministry most often stretches across the years of middle school through the end of high school, but what happens after high school is a bit more challenging for us.

Until recently, we quietly nodded as young people drifted out of our churches. We believed that they would return to Lutheran congregations later in their adult lives as committed, faithful members.

Some time after confirmation or after graduating out of the high-school youth group, young people would fly the nest, going off to college or career, indulging their freedom and independence, explor­ing life and the world, and ponder­ing their faith. “There they go,” we’d say, shaking our heads. But we believed they’d be back to get married, join a church committee, baptize and confirm their children, and help us meet our budget goals.

It seemed to work that way for many years. But times were differ­ent then, with more of an emphasis on loyalty and tradition. The cul­ture has changed.

Research has illuminated a difficult reality for most mainline denominations, including Luther­ans: A significant number of young people do not return to the church, and even if they do, it’s not nec­essarily to a congregation of the denomination they grew up in.

Our assumption that “they’ll be back” is no longer safe. It’s possible that many won’t be back. We’ve suspected this for a decade or two, but we continue to scratch our heads over what to do about it.

It’s tempting to think that if we could just get them back through the front door and sitting in a pew again, all will be well. We hope they’ll fall back in love with the church that we love. But it’s not that simple. Getting young people to stay in church is a challenge for us all.

Different Stories, Common Threads

There is no one reason why young adults are not present or active in our congregations and ministries. You can’t attribute their absence entirely to rebellion or spiritual indifference. Nor is there a mass exodus from the church. Listen to the young people around you and in your community, and you’ll be blessed with rich stories that are unique, yet related. Common threads include: the longing for relationship, the need to discern God’s purpose for their lives, and a desire to connect their lives with their faith. The differences are also profound and telling.

Let me introduce you to a few young people who have stories to tell and who present challenges for the church as we attempt to get them back into a congregation.

Jen feels pressure to fit in.

Jen is a hairdresser and loves to talk. She’s 22, grew up in the church, and talks about her Christian faith without hesitation. But she has not been active in church since high school. What keeps her away is the feel­ing that she is being pressured to comply with expectations that she can’t meet—like join a Bible study group, be in worship every Sunday morning, dress a certain way, tithe, and agree with particular church practices and theological issues. Jen has a lot of questions and ideas about church she’d like to discuss openly. But when people (even her own family) invite her to church, she senses that the invitation comes with too many strings attached.

For Shanna, life is constantly changing.

Once high school was over, Shanna signed up for military service. Her life now is constantly changing and moving. Joining a congregation isn’t on her radar screen, even though she has been an active Lutheran from the day she was born. Shanna and a couple of friends attend worship services on base led by various chap­lains. She is active in finding ways to nurture her faith, but not in ways that are visible to most people.

Raphael is active and hungry for more opportunity.

Raphael has been active in the Lutheran Youth Organization as a leader and constantly seeks out opportu­nities for serving the church. He attends his home church sporadically because he’s enrolled in college in another state. When he’s at school, he is active with the Lutheran campus ministry and some other local ministries. Raphael thinks about his future life in the church and wonders if he will find a congregation where he can be involved in leadership and use his gifts and interests for ministry.

Megan is looking for relevance and understanding.

Megan was connected to her congregation and youth ministry until the end of high school. But when she moved out on her own, her work life and social life consumed her in a way she felt could only be understood by her young adult working peers. The local churches didn’t seem to be there for her when she struggled to find a job, looked for an apartment she could afford, needed to talk to someone about stress, or sought encouragement as a new parent. Now in her late 20s, Megan attends a small nondenominational church where there are other young adults and single mothers trying to make ends meet. They help each other when times are tough and pool their resources, believing that sharing and caring for each other is what the gospel is about.

Chris is faithful in unseen ways.

Chris attended an ELCA Youth Gathering when he was in high school and later volunteered for the event when he was in college. He took some time off from school to serve in a Lutheran volunteer organization, and eventually felt drawn to serve year-round in an ELCA outdoor ministry. Chris’ life has been connected with many congregations, and, at the same time, he has found it difficult to be a member of any one congregation. As is the case with some young adults, he may seem absent and disconnected from the church, but in reality he is busy at the center of its mission and ministry in the world.

Stories Can Guide You

The stories of young people are diverse and amazing. Sometimes they are heartbreaking. Sometimes they give us hope and strength. When you wonder why young people are absent from worship or the activities of your congregation, reach out into your community and talk with some of them . . . especial­ly those who have not been in your church. When you talk with them, consider these guidelines:

  • Listen closely, without judgment.
  • Ask questions and be curious.
  • Accept and respect their stories and life experiences, even though they may not be what you want to hear.
  • Look for clues in their stories about what it means to be related children of a gracious God.
  • Reflect on what they entrust to you and let it serve as cues to your congregation as it faces the challenges of being faithful and creative in both mission and ministry.
  • As a result of what you hear, advocate for congregational changes that take into consideration the diversity of ages, cultures, life experiences, abilities, and family configurations.

The act of seeking each other out and listening to each other’s stories can bridge the gaps between us. Any sense of absence, distance, or brokenness begins to diminish as we see each other as beloved members of the body of Christ with all our differences, gifts, flaws, and experiences. Unexpected and unimagined doors and opportuni­ties can open up.

This might sound vague—and a little too warm and fuzzy. But I can’t think of a better way to shake things up than to ask questions and really listen to the answers. When we open up ourselves, we begin to discover the heart and soul of young people and their concerns. You can think later about resourc­es, staff, programs, budgets, vol­unteers, strategies, meeting space, Web sites, and all the other practical issues. Congregations may discover that some things that had seemed important for ministry are no lon­ger priorities, and that new visions and resources have emerged.

A Vision of Being Present

Once I was at a meeting to discuss the mission of a congregation and its relationship with the surround­ing community. At the other end of the long table I noticed a woman, almost 90, talking to a 20-year-old woman. The older woman gently took the younger woman’s hand and pulled her arm toward her. With an outstretched finger, she traced the outline of a small tattoo on the young woman’s forearm and said, “Beautiful. Was there a special reason you chose this?” That began an interesting informal conversa­tion. Later, those of us at the table began to share our hopes, dreams, and questions about what and who God might be calling us to do and be in that place.

This is the vision I hold onto when I wonder about young people and our aging church. I trust that God is at work creating and recreat­ing the church as a community into which we are invited, whatever our age or circumstance.

Rod Boriack is assistant director for youth ministries for the ELCA’s vocation and education area.