Signs of Encouragement

September 2009

by Susan Greeley

The phone call was unexpected.

“Would you be interested in writing and article on encouragement for the magazine?”

“Of course!” I answered, grateful that the editors of Lutheran Woman Today believed I still had something to say. Just before they asked me to write, I had learned that my position at the ELCA was being eliminated and I would soon be unemployed. A writing assignment was encouraging in and of itself. The editors thought I would have some insight into the subject because I was going through a difficult time and was on the receiving end of kind and encouraging words from friends.

I was thankful for the work and for the topic. After all, how hard could it be to write about encouragement? As it happens, much harder than I would have expected.

Encouragement is one of those positive words that intends to give hope or promise. What could be more Christian than that? To live in the hope and promise of the resurrection is one of the cornerstones of the Christian life. So why did I have so much trouble writing this short article?

Part of the problem has to do with being the encouragee instead of the encourager. Most people are eager to receive encouragement in the form of positive reinforcement— the “Attagirl!” that we all need from time to time. But when the encouragement required is of a more serious nature, most of us would rather not be on the receiving end of the exchange. I’m no exception.

I’m conflicted about being encouraged. I know that I need the love and support of those around me, now more than ever. I notice how people go out of their way to let me know of their concern and I’m grateful.

Intellectually I know that this is the beauty of living in Christian community. But in my heart I don’t want to need encouragement. I don’t want to be in this situation at all. I want to be strong and confident and self-reliant.

In weakness and vulnerability

And yet it is precisely in our times of weakness and vulnerability that God has the greatest opportunity to manifest divine presence. When I let down my defenses and am honest about my own frailties, I find another sign of encouragement in the words of the Apostle Paul: “for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”

In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul asks God to remove the thorn in his flesh. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (verse 9).

Even Jesus was not a model encourager. I was stunned about how difficult it was to find examples of Jesus offering the “rah-rah” type of encouragement in the Gospels.

Jesus tells Peter to walk to him on the water, but when Peter falters and begins to sink, does Jesus say, “Come on, Peter! You can do it!” No. Not at all. He pulls Peter up and says, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

A little later in the Gospel of Matthew, Peter objects when Jesus tells the disciples of his impending trip to Jerusalem that will ultimately lead to his death. Does Jesus patiently explain God’s plan to Peter and offer him the encouragement and hope of the resurrection? Hardly. “Get behind me, Satan!” is his response to Peter. Not exactly a shining example of encouragement. Or is it?

Different types of encouragement

Maybe it’s my limited understanding of encouragement itself that is the problem. I’ve been seeking words of comfort and solace, but encouragement can take many forms. I found that the library has entire books on the subject of encouragement.

In their book, Encouragement, authors Lawrence J. Crabb Jr. and Dan B. Allender say that encouragement is really more complex than it first appears:

Encouragement, therefore, must not be defined as either rigorous exhortation or accepting warmth. Both will be involved in the work of encouragement, but neither gets at the essence of what encouragement is. Encouragement depends on loving motivation in the encourager as well as wisdom to discern the needs of the other person accurately. The actual words may be admonishing, rebuking, correcting, reproving, instructing, explaining, sympathizing, reflecting, affirming, or self-disclosing.

When I look at Jesus’ example from this point of view, I see his words in another way. He is able to offer different types of encouragement at the same time. He affirms and welcomes the little children even as he rebukes the disciples for hindering them. He applauds the disciples when they realize that he is the Messiah and then sternly instructs them to tell no one else. He explains the parables to them in private but leaves outsiders to struggle with their meaning.

The writer of Proverbs understood the different forms of encouragement as well. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). I read this verse as an indication of affirmation, yet note the verse that immediately follows: “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise rebuke to a listening ear” (25:12).

Other helpful verses from Proverbs include: “Anxiety weights down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up” (12:25); “A gentle tongue is a tree of life” (15:4); “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (16:24).

Recognizing encouragement

Given this broader understanding of the word, what are we to make of encouragement?

As Christians we are clearly commanded to encourage one another. Paul writes to the Ephesians, “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who

hear” (4:29). The writer of the book of Hebrews exhorts us as well: “And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (10:24–25).

It isn’t always easy to recognize encouragement; some signs can be quite subtle. I find that when I ask myself, “What am I thankful for today?” examples of encouragement start flooding my consciousness:

• for the outpouring of letters, phone calls, and e-mail when people heard of my job loss;
• for all the lunch and coffee invitations;
• for the former colleagues who call regularly just to check in;
• for an extraordinarily patient spouse who lives with my erratic mood swings and our economic uncertainty;
• for the congregations that pray for me on a weekly basis;
• for my extended family and their consistent support;
• for those willing to critique my resumé and help in my job search; and
• for the friend who refuses to let me stay too long at my own pity party.

Offering encouragement

What advice can I offer someone who wants to be an encouragement to others? Keep Plato’s words in mind: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”

Here are a few ideas:

• Show up. Often it isn’t what you say or do; it’s just your presence that matters.
• Don’t let words get in the way. If you don’t know what to say, be honest. Say something like, “I don’t know that I have the right words in this situation, but I want you to know that you’re on my mind and in my prayers.”
• Actively listen. The simple act of allowing someone to tell his or her story can be powerfully encouraging.
• Don’t offer advice unless asked.
• Don’t try to “fix” the other person.
• Be honest. If you tell someone you are praying for him or her, be certain you truly are doing so.

Perhaps most importantly, don’t wait until there’s an obvious need for encouragement. Try to view encouragement as a spiritual discipline and make at least one encouraging gesture each day. Drop a note to an elderly relative. Call someone for no particular reason. Compliment a stranger on the way to work.

And always remember Jesus’ final encouragement to us as he offered the Great Commission: “And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b).

Susan Greeley served as producer of the ELCA’s radio ministry, Grace Matters, for 15 years until the program’s discontinuation last spring. She has recently joined Lutheran Social Services of Illinois’ advancement team as director of development.