Extravagant Love

October 2008

Valentine’s Day 2002. That particular Valentine’s Day is hard to forget, since it was the day I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’d planned a romantic dinner with the man I was dating, someone I’d been seeing for about six months. And though I tried to put the diagnosis out of my mind for the evening, it wouldn’t go away, and I finally dissolved into tears. “You didn’t sign up for this,” I said to Marley. A diagnosis of MS is, after all, a lot to throw at a young relationship. “Don’t worry about it,” he answered. “I wasn’t looking for a relationship that had to be picture-perfect.”

Marley performed an act of hesed that night, an act of lavish loving-kindness and grace. Most of us can think of famous examples of hesed—the acts of such people as Mother Teresa and Mahatma Gandhi— and it is easy to be overwhelmed by the extent of these people’s sacrifices. But examples of extravagant loyalty and love occur in our own homes, neighborhoods, and cities all the time.

In a program I oversee at church, a group of volunteers helps people in crisis by tending to their pets. That’s one less worry while they’ve got their hands full with illness in the family or another problem. When a parishioner shattered his ankle and had to be off his feet completely, volunteers stepped in and walked his dog every day for months. Seven of us gave up all of 45 minutes a week to help this man, a small sacrifice that meant the world to him, not to mention his dog. An act of hesed.

Parents and grandparents commit acts of lavish loving-kindness all the time, putting aside their own interests and wants—and sleep—to attend to the needs of their children. Teachers, managers, social workers, and people in all walks of life often do the same. They—and you—may not get the same recognition that Gandhi or Mother Teresa got for their great kindness, but if you look around, you’ll see acts of hesed regularly. They don’t have to be huge; often things that we consider to be small can make a big difference to someone else.

So let me invite you to notice moments of lavish loving-kindness, or extraordinary loyalty and graciousness, over the next month, both from others, and even in yourself. This prayer by Edward Bouverie Pusey, an English churchman from the late 19th century, might help you stay focused on practicing hesed conscious:

Oh, and by the way, in case you were wondering, I married Marley. Who could resist such a gracious and generous soul?

Debra K. Farrington is a retreat leader and has written eight books of Christian spirituality. Her Web site is www.debrafarrington.com.
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